• Linda Ulleseit, author

  • NaNoWriMo!

White Water

White Water by Amrita

Round and round and up and down and upside-down we splashed, spinning and tumbling on that hot, summer day in Disney World, Florida.  The sun beat down on us like a hammer, constantly pounding, again and again.  Some people were screaming, some were laughing, some were barely wet, and some were thoroughly soaked.  But I didn’t notice any of those things, for all I could focus on was the enormous drop up ahead, that monstrous waterfall, that terrifying cliff of H2O.  It was not the same for my sister, Anisha.  She had not turned around yet, but there was a daring fire in her eyes.  She was soaked to the bone, but on that day, about the hottest day summer had to offer, any kid would have loved it.

Mom turned pale.  Dad gripped the handlebars tight. Anisha smiled a wide, toothy, daring smile full of courage and bravery.  At first, it felt like I was soaring in the air.  “Oh, how wonderful this is!” I thought, as I hit a Titanic pose.  That marvelous feeling ended abruptly and was replaced with that thrilling, gravity-defying sensation in my stomach as we plummeted down.

SPLASH! we landed.

“Isn’t this awesome!” my sister yelled above the roar of the white water.

“Yeah!” I screamed.

“What?” my sister bellowed.

“This is cool!” I roared back.

SPLOOSH! The raft behind us landed.  Both landings covered me with a mountain of water.

SPLOSH!  The next raft landed, wetting us again and soaking the people in the raft behind us.  The force of the landing pushed us forward at a tremendous speed.  I was now dripping from head to toe, and so was everyone else in the raft.   Mom and Dad laughed.  Anisha giggled.  I smiled.

You see, I don’t laugh or smile like many other people.  Most of the time, I don’t smile just by moving my mouth.  When I smile, there is a twinkle my eyes.  Only those who know me very well can tell when I smile.

When I laugh, it sounds a lot like I am wheezing.  So at the moment, I was twinkling and wheezing and giving high-fives to everyone in the raft.  After all that, we just sat there.  “At last,” I thought, as I knew that the frothing, foaming, and bubbling white water with its huge drop towered behind us.  I heard some people screaming and I heard some laughing.  I felt the sun beating down on me like a hammer, gleaming on everybody’s wet faces, and I saw its golden, rippling, reflection in the calm water, as we lazily drifted toward the end of this fantastic, wet, river rafting ride.

 

 

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16 Responses

  1. Classic small moment story–it takes place in seconds, but it is full of sensory details and internal thinking.

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  2. Sploosh, Splash. Water parks FTW.(For The Win)

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  3. The beggining has lots of description. I liked it when she was describing the water sounds.

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  4. That was an amazing story by Amrita! I love everything! There was so much of sensory details,emotions and great vocabulary. This is a wonderful piece of writing. She shows not tells which is mostly what teachers want. I know Mrs. Ulleseit is a excellent writer and is the one who made Amrita’s story truly amazing!

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  5. Amazing! I am just speechless, so much description! Even more than some books I have read recently. I really envy you and especially love the second and last paragraphs!

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  6. Oh gosh… I don’t know what to say!… This story is amazing! I got some inspiration for detail in the story! 🙂 I could imagine everything around me! I can see the crowd of strangers around me, some are soaked wet, some are barely wet and I can feel the hot sun beating on my neck like a drum.
    Marvelous story.

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  7. I could imagine everything around me! I can see the crowd of strangers around me, some are soaked wet, some are barely wet and I can feel the hot sun beating on my neck like a drum.
    Marvelous story.

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  8. That was a great story Amrita! I loved how you had so much detail, I felt like I was right there with you. I think you’re story would be even better though if you added more on how hot it was, otherwise awesome story.

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  9. This was a WONDERFUL piece of writing, Amrita! All of the vocabulary and descriptive language just amazed me! After reading just the first two sentences, I knew this would be better than other books I have read. I wish all the books I read would be as great as this. I like how you focused on a seed story insteadof a watermelon story.

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  10. Man, a lot of description about the ride and the setting. The best description was where you were describing what the people were doing. It must have been very exciting. Just by reading this I want to got to Disney World and have some fun but for now, I’ll be stuck in class doing work.

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  11. The piece of writing you wrote made me want to read it over and over again. I love this story!

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  12. Thanks, guys.

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  13. WOW! That was… I cant even describe it! It was amazing, Amrita!! It was a piece of art more than a piece of writing! I loved the sensory details and description you put in! You are an amazing writer!

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  14. It was a great short story! I loved it when you described how the sun beat down on you like a hammer and how you described the sun glistening in the water. What an amazing story!

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